Weekend flexibility and Dental Dillemas

Well I suppose I wouldn't make it through this without saying that I did end up finding things to fill my weekend with. It would be pretty sad to encourage everyone to go out there and do something that they loved without doing it myself.  So today I took the craziest 10 mile hike around Griffith Park.  I didn't exactly walk the whole park, but I did walk a good portion of it up in the hills, where only forest ranger trucks fear to tread.  And what's a good blog on some of the things that I did without some pictures to go with it.

I wish I could adequately describe the majesty of these birds there. They were beautiful and there were several of them circling around the area.  Instead it was all I could do to get one.

        

All those switchbacks worth of roads I walked before heading back up to the top of the road. Most of that road area was closed off. Given how many rockslides there were it is no wonder.

This is the Griffith Park Observatory from up above. Not only is it the jewel of the Griffith Park area, but today it happened to be closed off for filming. Not sure if the new film will have the notoriety of the original Griffith Observatory film, Rebel Without a Cause. Ah James Dean, you died too young.

I'm not going to get this close to the Hollywood Sign and not take a picture. That would be silly.  Given the recent change of the sign to Hollyweed, are you sure someone didnt change it to BillyWoo? I could swear I heard the Park Rangers say someone had jumped the fence going to the Hollywood sign again. A Billy Woo conspiracy? Who knows?

Honestly, aside from showing the pictures today I wanted to talk about trying to make the most of your day.  I know the one thing that jobs, family, and Plastic Man craves the most is flexibility.  I think all of us need to be reminded of that from time to time.  It's something our family desperately needs.  We need to be ready when things don't go according to plan.  And the more family members you have, the more it would seem impossible to expect anything to go according to plan!!!!  So when your weekend doesn't turn out the way you hoped it would, make a new plan. 

And I don't want to say that I am the king of flexibility. My tooth proved that this morning when I was eating breakfast.  Bite! Bite! Chomp! What's that in my hashbrowns? Ewww!  And so my day began with a pretty big hitch. And so I called the dentist office on a day it ended up having the day off.  (The fun of more obscure holidays you can't figure out whether your office is celebrating or not.) And instead I took a beautiful ten mile hike in Griffith Park seeing some wonderful things, as well as getting practice eating on the left side of my mouth.  What could be more fun and entertaining?

Seriously, it was quite an amazing hike on quite an amazing day.  This is the day we celebrate every year about the man who said, "I have a dream today."   Well I had many different dreams today. And the first is to be the best father that I possibly can be.  Maybe two dreams can come true today, maybe not completely, but in me. May that be true of you too.  Say hello to someone different today.  You just might make a lifelong friend.

Aside from that I will be signing off this evening. It's been a long crazy weekend. I will fill you in on the details of my dynamic dental diversion. And yes I do know the meaning of the word alliteration. And I will follow up with my midweek date. Hope this time I can find a new place to eat. Have any suggestions and post a comment on the bottom. I always look forward to hearing from you.

David Elliott, Single Dad's Guide to Life

The Switch - Parental Weekend Swap

As many of you know, being a single parent, if you are going to do it right, comes with a lot of tradeoffs. Kids frequently react negatively to these trade offs because they upset their expectations about what they are going to do. It certainly makes them have to contend with whatever the other parent is going to do. And they can worry that sometimes that you do not care about them when you switch. They feel like you are pawning them off on the other parent. That couldn't be further from the truth.

The irony here is that in some ways it feels like your life is being upset by the change much more than the child.  I don't know about you but I plan my life out around my daughter. I try to make sure I am completely available for the time that I do have with her.  I don't want to miss any of those big moments. So when then inevitable time to trade time does come, it feels empty. You know that first weekend after you have split from your ex and they have the child instead of you.   Everything at that moment seems to stop. I know depression is probably a component of this but it's also like hitting a brick wall.  Your inertia has carried you into this moment. You played games, or watched movies, or made dinner and now you are responsible for nothing. Everything stops.

Once upon a time you were good at planning these open weekends. In fact, before you were married you couldn't wait for them because you had the whole world in front of you with endless possibilities.  Sure a few of these possibilities have diminished since you were a child. No, you are not going to star in that big movie. You are probably not going to pitch game seven of the World Series. And you definitely are not going to hike Mount Everest. Maybe you will hike Mount Wilson, Big bear, tackle that mountain of laundry . . . But you still have plenty of things that you can do.

Yes things did stop the moment you hit that brick wall. And if you do nothing you may be stuck in that rut for a very long time. Your motion has changed and now you have to do something about it.  Yes, you have to figure out those things that make you who you are.  I don't know about everyone but I'm sure a lot of people lose themselves inside of their marriages. They abandon everything they are into, committing everything to this entity that they hope will last them a lifetime. And then the moment it comes crashing down they feel a bit lost.

For a person in my situation, the losing of one's self gets exacerbated when you are dealing with mental illness. (This is not to say I don't have my own faults for the marriage failing, I will cover those in a later post.)  What it is saying is that dealing with this illness can drag you down a rabbit hole where you do not know where you are. Friendships, connections, hobbies, passions and many other things get lost along the way because you are trying many moments just to survive.

So when I hit that moment of separation I didn't feel like I had a clue who I was.  I did a lot just to survive my situation. But I had no clue how to thrive. I had to become fully me again. I had to find my own voice.  I do believe this blog is part of that process, but I also think going out and making connections and finding things that I love is also part of this process.  It means no longer staring at life from the sidelines and getting out and actually playing.

So what is good for a single parent to do with a ton of time and not sure what to do with it?  If I just get lost in my parent duties it's ignoring a huge opportunity for growth. I could do cleaning but for me I have to change it up. I need to clean while listening to some classical music. Or in my case I put on some John Williams and let it not only inspire movement but take me back to other days where life was carefree, or at least the worries of the world were not my concern.

But you can't just sit at home and find yourself. You have to find a way to go out.  And going to bars is just not my scene. So first think about the things that recharge your energy. What makes you feel like the world is full of possibilities? For me it's being around people.  This means going out to a park, or the beach, or even an amusement park just to let myself go and see people around me being happy.

Then it gets to be about beauty. Where do I find beauty in the world?  A hike in the mountains, listening to the waves crash against the shore at the beach, and an art museum or gardens beautifully kept and pristine can all accomplish that for me.

And finally reconnect with a friend or two.  It might not be an easy one. Maybe a relationship has slipped into appreciation at a distance. Ah the bane of Facebook!!! So send a friend or two a line letting them know how much you have missed their friendship. It may take a while to get back into the groove. But you can't just sit there any longer while your life is in neutral. You gotta live!

And here I am on the precipice of another one of those trading weekends. Now what to do with myself??? Ah yeah... I remember. Now you do it too.

David Elliott, Single Dads Guide to Life

Beginnings

I am sure that there are a ton of blogs out there focusing on the single parent.  And while I know many many blogs that deal with single parenting from a mother's perspective, I figured dad's needed to get in on the act too.  This isn't to say that I am going to be copying what went on with all of the other mom blogs out there.  I think they have their own niche, and I congratulate them for being innovators on the net.  I am not them.

But I am still a single parent, and there is a challenging issue in single parenthood for fathers.  We often get shortchanged in the amount of time that we get with our children.  We have to balance work and life issues because many of us have been the primary breadwinners in the family and now we are working for money that we now have little control over.  We have to balance our ideas about how to connect with our children with school and activities that the children need to be a part of, with the less time that we have.  And these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to issues with children. 

I am going to state that I have a different perspective in many issues because I am a dad of a girl, and obviously the situations to everyone becoming a single dad vary, just as they do for becoming a single mom.  And some single dad's out there are full time dad's and take care of the kids all by themselves.  Just as for the single mom's, I solute you for doing so.  You amaze me and I can only imagine how difficult that must get to make money, have a career, and raise kids all at the same time, without going crazy.

I am sure you are going to learn more about me all along the way, but I figure that this is a good start, and I look forward to sharing things and my perspective about what it is like to be a single dad.  And if you are interested in movies, and who isn't, feel free to look me up at The Toasty Critic for my other blog and see my perspectives on movies.

Just one last thing of note.  For all the single dad's that are out there.  You are not alone.  There are other people going through the same crap.  I suppose we could say that about just about anybody.  But I know that from a dad's perspective, we frequently feel like we are not listened to.  This could be the courts, our ex's, our children, our bosses, or just about anyone else out there.  I don't want you to feel ignored any longer.

And I will always look forward to your input.  Just don't abuse the privilege.

D